My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
