Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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