I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
