when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
