That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
