Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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