In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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