it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
