Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
