I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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