It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
