Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your cock deserves a montage
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
