I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
