I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
