You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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