He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
