Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
