mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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