the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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