The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
