Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
