Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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