gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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