My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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