ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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