We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
