I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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