he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
