We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
