I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
