If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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