obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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