Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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