Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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