I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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