Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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