Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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