yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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