if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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