I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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