can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Terrible idea I love it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
