I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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