Please, let me fuck your mom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
