Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
