and you said cock pushups were impossible
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
