I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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