Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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