I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
