I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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