Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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